Funeral of Kelly Nelson Gaffney
St. Mary’s Catholic Church
Homilist: Father Robbie Favazza
I was blessed to have a very gifted, eccentric Dominic priest who taught me homiletics at Kenrick-Glennon Seminary. He taught me how to preach. I have never forgotten one of the central lessons he taught us about preaching. He reminded us that one of the central tasks of the preacher is to name grace in the community. Today I would like to name how grace was operative in the life of Kelly Gaffney and hold it up so we can be grateful for it, contemplate it together, and imitate it in our lives.
The primary grace that Kelly’s life illuminates for us is perseverance. Her mother Tricia told me that Kelly loved the first reading that was proclaimed today from St. James, “Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. And let perseverance be perfect, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
Kelly Nelson Gaffney was an amazing athlete. She was a fierce competitor who hated, and I mean hated, to lose. Two of the sports that we enjoyed playing together were basketball and tennis. Today is the only time that I will admit publicly that Kelly vanquished me numerous times in the game of HORSE. I NEVER beat her at tennis. She was too good.
Kelly’s tough as nails determination was exhibited to all of us during the past year while she battled ovarian cancer. We all got behind Kelly 100 percent and prayed assiduously that she would kick cancer in the ovaries. And she did! Her first body was taken by cancer (I say first body because she’ll receive a new glorified body patterned after the Resurrected body of Jesus on the last day), but her courage, faith, hope, love, sense of humor, wit, and joy remained undiminished and even grew stronger and deeper through the ordeal because she abandoned herself to God so completely.
She can rightly say with St. Paul, “I have competed well. I have finished the race. I have kept the faith. From now on the crown of righteousness awaits me, which the Lord, the just judge, will award to me on the last day.” You did it girl!!
Kelly persevered in love. Taylor wrote on Kelly’s blog that her sister loved loyally and fiercely. That is so true!
Recently I was having lunch with Ted at the Nelson household. He was fighting back tears as he shared with me the moving story of how Kelly ministered to her younger brother Patrick during his time of need. Patrick was grief-stricken and heartbroken because he recently lost a very good friend. Kelly consoled Patrick and expressed her concern for his safety even though she herself was suffering from cancer and knew death was eminent. Now that’s compassion.
I would like to share with you a personal testimony of Kelly’s love. This past year I was going through a very difficult time in my life. Kelly, and the entire Nelson family, surrounded me with unconditional love, care, support, prayer, and encouragement. For a period of four months I talked to Kelly and Tricia on the phone and prayed the rosary with them every Tuesday and Friday. Frequently the entire family would join us in prayer. Kelly loved me like a sister, listened to me, encouraged me, and challenged me. She was my inspiration. I saw how Kelly showed up every day, carried her cross every day, prayed intensely every day, and remained steadfast in her commitment to recovery every day. I followed her lead and because of her I stand up here today as a priest preaching this homily. I’m so grateful to her.
Kelly persevered in her faith and hope in Divine Mercy. Kelly and Tim deliberately chose to be married on Divine Mercy weekend two years ago. Every year she posted a reflection from the Novena of Divine Mercy on her Facebook page. She died on day 6th of the Divine Mercy Novena.
We just heard from St. James, “Blessed is the man who perseveres in temptation, for when he has been proved he will receive the crown of life that he promised to those who love him.”
During Kelly’s final weeks she had a “thorn” that was making life very difficult for her. I was preaching a homily at the Nelson household when a passage from St. Therese suddenly came to my mind. In that excerpt St. Therese asks herself why St. Peter denied Jesus three times even though he made a promise prompted by generosity that he would never do such a thing. Here is the answer from the Little Flower, “If, instead of saying, “I will give my life for you,” poor St. Peter had said to Christ, “You know only too well that I’m incapable of giving my life for you; help me,” he would have surely overcome that temptation.”
God was revealing to Kelly that she is powerless over her fear, her anxiety, her cancer, and her other struggles. She cried out to Our Lord and Our Lady in prayer and said “Help me!”, particularly through the Holy Rosary and the Divine Mercy Chaplet. Kelly persevered in her faith and hope and obtained the Divine Mercy she loved and longed for.
Kelly also persevered in her vocation. In the movie Sound of Music, Maria is torn because she’s uncertain if she wants to be a nun or pursue the possibility of marriage with the captain. The Reverend Mother tells her, “The love of a man and woman is holy, too. Maria, you have a great capacity for love. The question is, “How does God want you to spend your love?” Or something like that.
Kelly discerned her vocation and chose to spend her love in the Sacrament of Marriage with Tim. Normally couples take one another’s hands and exchange their wedding vows. Tim and Kelly chose to join their hands around a crucifix when they exchanged their wedding vows. They said, “I take you to be my wife/husband. I promise to be faithful to you, in good times and bad, in sickness and health, to love you and to honor you all the days of my life.”
None of us knew, least of all Tim and Kelly, what lay in the future when they exchanged those vows. They were convinced that only by keeping Christ at the center, remaining firmly rooted in Him, and turning their lives and wills over to Him could they weather the storms of life and remain faithful to one another. I invite all young people who aspire to the vocation of marriage to learn from their example and place Christ at the center of their relationship.
Kelly could not have persevered without the love and support of her family and friends. The Nelsons aren’t the Brady Bunch. They are a little messy. They are far from perfect. I know this from experience. The Nelsons are like my second family. Nevertheless, it can certainly be said of them what was said of the early Christians, “See how they love one another”.
Alice took off the semester from the University of Dallas so she could be with her beloved sister. Taylor took a leave of absence from her job to be available 100 percent to Kelly. During the final weeks Alice and Tricia slept on the bed beside Kelly while Taylor slept on another bed off to the side. Ted, Patrick-don’t forget Tim and Sam- were those few good men dedicated to serving Kelly.
And then there’s Tricia. Anybody who knows Tricia knows she has true devotion to Mary. That is obvious when you walk into the house. Mary is everywhere and Tricia is always praying the rosary. Her entire life is one continuous prayer. The highest form of devotion is imitation. As her Divine Son was hanging on the cross Mary was at her station keeping. As Kelly battled cancer you better believe her mother Tricia was at her station keeping too. She prayed unceasingly for Kelly, loved her untiringly, encouraged her unfailingly, fasted for her, dieted with her, accompanied her, transported her from place to place, and even made a fool of herself for her (ask the family about it). She did anything and everything to keep Kelly’s spirits up and fighting the good fight to the very end. Faith Hill sings, “You better respect yo mama, respect the hell out of her”. I for one respect the hell out of that mama!
St. Therese once said, “If Jesus allows us to suffer on earth it is only because He already sees us in the glory of eternity”. The Lord already saw Kelly in the glory of eternity.
The other day I was talking with Tricia and I told her Kelly was my sister, friend, and spiritual companion. Thanks to the communion of saints she still is. We all invoked the intercession of the saints for Kelly’s healing: St. Charbel, Fulton Sheen, St. John Paul II, St. Mother Teresa, St. Therese, etc. Well, now she’s with them! St. Therese said she would spend her heaven doing good on earth. I bet that is how Kelly will spend her eternity. Maybe her mission really is to be a mother to unwanted children in heaven.
One of Kelly’s favorite songs was “Show Me” by Audrey Assad. The refrain goes like this, “Bind up these broken bones. Mercy bend and breathe me back to life. But not before you show me how to die. No not before you show me how to die.” He showed you how to live and die Kelly. Mercy bent, breathed upon you, and carried you into eternal life. Those bones will be bound up, Kelly, and you will be more radiant and beautiful than you were on your wedding day. We love you, Kelly. Amen.
